My glass: checked.
Laptop: checked.
Heater: checked.
So, a silly thought I had today. Last night when I was about to dive my dream in the middle these craziest exam weeks, I drew myself (my mistake) to open socmed (which I know exactly it was wrong). But I had been on the most terrible day, so I got myself to be a lil bit refreshed.
But...
VOILA!
one by one picture came to appear on my screen.
Wedding.
Marriage.
Couple.
Pregnancy.
"Oh God..."
No, don't get me wrong. I am happy for them. Happy for my friends that have already found their way to the next stage of life, with the greater problem and tests of life, but yet beautiful family with anything husband-ish and kid-ish. Sure, I am 100% glad for them.
But me?
"Oh God.."
Frankly, some years ago I really wanted to be a bride. To be such a nice wife, taking care of the house, chatting lalala like a young mom-nowdays-to be.
But.
But I dont know how many but I will say for the next ten minutes. But now? It all is confusing me. I mean, sure sure, I want to. But...
I AM SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT IS SCARY, ISN'T IT?
Im at the point where I exactly know, marriage is not about a fancy party, dress like a one day princess, wear 'kebaya' which we design by ourselves, pre-wedding photo dadada, smile like 'we are finally happily ever after.
But...
It is more taking a way too greater responsibility to ourselves, to our family, to our future children. Am I good enough? Am I smart enough to be a mum? Look at myself still be like this, still want to sleep with my parents when I come home, still want to be cuddled with my dad. And thinking deeper that I need to separately live with my parents, I cried.
I am not ready.
Again..
HAVING A BABY?????
shoot............................
This again.
Babies are cute. Babies are pies. Babies are sweet. But... I am really really reaaaaly scared.
And the 'baby production' thingy itself haunts me!!!!
Shooooooooooot.................
I told to my best friend here who actually lives together with her boyfriend and of course have already made love.
Okay, I wanna skip this one..
Anyway, yes, She told me everything is fine. Nothing to be scared of. Nothing to be shy.
BUT SOMETHING DOES GROW INSIDE MY WOMB???
shoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot.......
When I saw my friend's picture last night, I spontaneously threw my phone!
I am not ready. I want to, but I am on the way there, but if somebody asks me, I would answer that I am not ready. My frinds (EVEN THEY ARE NOT MARRIED YET) calmed me, spoke that marriage should be something that you really want to have in the future. No need to be stressful..
Well, I hope so..
